Right now in my life I am in a stage of searching. Have you ever found yourself there? Looking for something but not sure what it is that you are looking for? I am not unhappy really, but I feel blank or empty like something is missing or I am not fullfilling something that I should be. I have a great husband, wonderful children. But when it comes to me, to who I am as a person I feel like something isn't there that should be. Or maybe that I am not fullfilling the person that I am supposed to be. Maybe I am holding back the real me.
What do I do with that? I can continue to search out and try to find what I think is missing or I can let it find me. I can let my life fall into place as it is ment to. Either sound like plausible options, both having equal problems. If I choose the first option I may end up neglecting the very thing I am searching for and if I choose the later of the two, I may end up missing out on it as well.
Funny really. I find myself trying to find ballance. I read a quote recently that said that we are never in ballance, that ballance is something we "swing through on our way to the other extreme." I wonder if that is true. Sure sounds true. I think in my life I have never felt fully in ballance. I was either working too much, not working enough, trying too hard or not enough. Being a working mother is a perfect example of this pendelum that seems to swing from one extreme to the other zipping past ballance every once in awhile. I can see ballance coming in my life but before I know it I am looking back at it.
In my life a lot of the decisions I make are made because I think that will be the easiest choice to make. I will do what I perceive to be the least hurtful to another or the safest. It isn't that I don't have faith in God as much as it is that I don't have faith in myself. I wonder, if just once I stepped outside the comfort zone and trusted that I can do it as much as God trusts that I can do it, what would happen.
If I walk the walk, will He provide the path. Of course He will. He already has. He is just waiting for me to get on it.
2 comments:
You told me of a quote from Eat, Pray, Love, about how you can never be fully balanced, it might be the same quote you wrote here. I am starting to believe it. I too have always tried to be a "balanced" person. But am I really?
As far as your comment on having faith, stepping out of bounds, i am the same way. it's not that I dont trust God, I don't trust myself, or have enough confidence. Ok I know my next blog ;) Love you!Keep your head up, God knows the plans he has for you. Just "stand still and pray for God's will"!
Each and every day we are constantly able to take risks and step out of our comfort zones. By what we say, feekl, or act upon. Remember god doesnt give you more than you can handle.
I think that if you continue to search for yourself or what you want to do you will actually lose yourself or miss out on alot because you are not sure what that is. If you trust in the lord, everything such as people, things, or ideas and how you react to situations god has given you, god will slowly show you who you are and where he wants you to be. It's our job to watch our signals, and messages he send from up above.
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